i need an iv and a liver transplant
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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