he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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