Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
