WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize