Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
