I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
