I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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