So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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