the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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