That's intense
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
