drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
