exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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