forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
