It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
