You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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