Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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