My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize