it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
