im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
