Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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