I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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