two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
