I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
