dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
