I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
