I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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