how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
