Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
