Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Found the puke drawer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
