Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
