I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize