We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
