I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize