Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
