of course. lets lasso hookers.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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