We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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