Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
