I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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