ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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