I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
