careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
