I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
