He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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