i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
