Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
