How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
