Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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