bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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