i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
