it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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