So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
