Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
