I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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