So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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