Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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