I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
