your thong is hanging out like whoa
I love black thongs
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize