Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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