fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
