the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
