just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have tasted many bathrooms
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
