True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
