I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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