If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
