omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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