I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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